A New Way

Half of my tribe is away on an adventure with Daddy, exploring downtown Atlanta. When an airline offers $1 tickets, you hop on that action no matter where or when they want you to go. At least we do.

So the other half of us are here at home. The 10 month old baby boy, two three year olds (my husband calls them the "Twin Terrors"…I 'm thinking we might need to come up with a softer nickname.) and myself.

How is it, that these three littles kept me on my toes all-freaking-day yesterday, even more so than when my six are are home together?

One of my kidlets, who shall remain nameless (but whose names sounds strikingly similar to Nursie), was a pill 90% of the day. I actually refer to that as being "a turd", lovingly, of course. She fought me on every little thing, she stirred up trouble with the other three year old constantly.

I told a friend last night, "It was one of those days where a child seeks out attention, even if it's the negative variety." Sigh. Those days are just exhausting, and they usually come when you expect things to be peaceful and easy.

I had three less children yesterday after all. It was supposed to be a cake walk.

Well, maybe not a cake walk exactly...but easier for sure.

Instead, it was a draining day.

Big family insider scoop: the more children in the family, the more *some* problems are diffused.

How does on earth is this possible, you ask?

My older children, (ages 9, 7 & 5) help distract, redirect and lighten up my little ones frequently. They see a younger one who needs help and their gut reaction is to lend a hand. They can sense that a storm is brewing and they creatively encourage calmness (or at the very least happy wildness). They do all this pretty much as second nature.

Yes, sometimes I ask, or beg, or yell from the other end of the house for them to "Please help a Mom out!"…but so many times, it's self started, self directed…it's just who they are.

Now don't hear me say my three oldest children are up for sainthood, cause that's not reality. They too create their fair share of strife…sibling squabbles are the tool God is using to refine me (and by "tool" I mean fire). The bickering, name calling, hitting, teasing…it's an area we work on daily. All day every day.

Somehow, someway, however, the truths about peace Dustin and I are speaking into their ears are soaking down into their souls. My children's hearts are being shaped, ever slowly, into people who help make peace.

I can see that right now more easily, because in their absence, we are missing their peace making skills.

It is usually in someone, or somethings absence that we are able to clearly understand what that person or thing brought to our life.

Sometimes, losing something or someone benefits our health…we are better off.

Other times, we realize what a gaping hole that something or someone has left behind…we are better because of it/them, but now our life is lacking that unique aspect they brought.

Even though this is a quick trip my children and husband are on, and Lord willing, they will be home late  tonight, tucked into their beds…they are gone right now, and we are missing them.

I am grateful for that longing, because I can more accurately see a gift they bring our family that I was taking for granted. They are far from perfect children (and those don't exist anyway), but good grief, they are stinkin' amazing at being the big siblings this crazy crew needs. Our older three are digesting the truths we are imperfectly, but consistently putting before them…that peace making is the way of Jesus, and the world surely needs a whole bunch more of us pursuing that way.



We are Matthew 5:9 people.


"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."


I kinda dig The Message wording…


"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family."

To my kiddos on Mother's Day,

Nothing could've ever prepared me for the complexities of motherhood. No class, no heart-to-heart, no blog, no workshop, no book. As much as the words of others who had walked the path before me might have encouraged me (maybe, really, more like frightened me...)  they could not fully prepare my soul for the beautiful, challenging, messy time that awaited.

You think that Mama knows it all...that I am so very old...so much older than you. Can I tell you a secret, kids?

Truth is, Mama is really just a kid herself. I am relatively new to this whole motherhood gig. 9 years ago my first babe was still tucked away inside my womb, cozy and safe from the world. My tummy was her whole world. But that was only 9 years ago...I haven't been a Mama very long.

I know you kids think I have all the answers...I guess in some respects I do. I am the one, after all, who answers every. single. question. All day, every day.

But really, I'm learning as I go.

Newsflash: I have never been a Mom before. I didn't get a four year degree in motherhood and fulfill an apprenticeship before the first of you was placed into my waiting arms. There was no practice, no rehearsal, no training to prepare for what I now spend my every day doing. That's hard for you to even imagine though, at 8, 5, 3 & 1. I am all you know of motherhood.

I adore being your Mama. It is by far the absolute hardest task I have ever been entrusted with, by goodness...it is worth it. There is no greater joy than the exhausting work of loving your little lives up in The Lord. The daily feeding of your bellies and your souls is so daunting...but so incredibly beautiful.

I am learning moment by moment that a life laid down most closely resembles My Savior. So I lay mine down again and again...and fight for joy in the midst of the selflessness He asks of me.

When the four of you are grown, and sit around talking about your childhood..sharing stories, laughing and perhaps shedding a tear for the hurts...I pray that you give me grace. I hope you can see the woman who was trying to raise y'all to love The Lord, to love others...I hope you know I tried my very best. You will know better than any other people on this earth (besides your Dad) that I am a far cry from a perfect person. I get angry, I get ugly, I loose my patience, I get frustrated, I say rude things, I am a flawed woman...fighting minute by minute to choose joy in the chaos and selflessness in my self-centered desires.

 I pray that you can see me for the woman that is beneath the title of Mama...that you might love and respect even, the way I have loved you.

While I'm not perfect, hopefully you can see Jesus in me. He is my strength, He is my hope. He continually draws me back to Him...softens my easily hardened heart...helps me grow into the Mama y'all need me to be. I hope you will see, through my mistakes, through my missteps, that if Jesus loves your Mama with an unrelenting love, He surely loves you just the same.

I am trying, at the nudging and reminding of The Spirit to be an intentional Mama. To peer into the future and consider the lovely, strong, intelligent, compassionate, selfless adults y'all are going to become. As I picture these grown ups I have yet to meet, yet already know, I think about how my daily interactions are forming or destroying who you each are called to be.

I tell your Dad frequently, "Isn't it so cool that we are raising our future best friends?! I mean, it's kinda crazy, right?"

It is crazy. It is cool. I pray that it becomes reality.

By God's goodness I won't botch the whole thing.

I trust that He will fill in the gaps your Dad and I will undoubtedly leave.

I love you four more than any words could do justice. You are my greatest work, my greatest gifts. I am incredibly grateful to be your Mama, and I thank you for loving me.

Please be patient with me, I will be patient with you (it's your first time to do the kid-growing-up-thing too, after all)...as we continue to grow up together, day by day. Thankful to be journeying with you.

love,
Mama

Questions: Why do we home school?

Can you feel the back-to-school-buzz? Moms everywhere are uniting in their excitement for another school year to commence. Sure, the 10 page long supply list and Wal-Mart bumper cart death match is dreaded...but the start of school cannot come fast enough for most moms (and probably some Dads too). Summer was a sweet thought...back in May, when parents were drowning in the end-of-school-year testing/papers/teacher gifts and class parties. But now, in the blazing heat of August, as all kids everywhere are going freaking stir crazy from being indoors a few too many days...school seems like an air conditioned dream. A potential seven glorious kid free hours a day...five days a week...to regain mental health lost over the past 2.5 months.


As you bump into other parents at this time of year, trivial chatter about school floats back and forth. What school/what grade/what teacher are exchanged as parents have memorized these stats for moments like these. Which means that I get "The Question" a lot. "Oh, you home school?" (those words spoken delicately, as if they are said too strongly, they might be "catching" and spread like an unwanted germ.) "That's...neat. Can I ask why?"


It's challenging to explain in a brief sentence why we home school. So the bump-into-answer differs greatly from the friends that ask...their desire to understand our why also differs from the random stranger whose "Why?" is truly more of an expletive rather than a real question. I've been able to share our homeschooling journey with several friends who have asked in the past couple of weeks, and I've so enjoyed getting to talk about it. I probably get a little too excited...it's hard to contain myself when I get going. (Consider yourself warned.)


So, for those of you who are curious to know, but we can't get together for coffee and kiddo playtime...here's my long over-due homeschooling scoop.

A couple of things to note first: 

1) These are my opinions/thoughts/beliefs. They don't have to be yours...I'm not trying to persuade you to change your mind, I'm simply sharing mine.

2) You don't have to agree with me. It's ok, we can still be friends. Promise.

3) This parenting/homeschooling/life thing is a journey...an adventure. I haven't "arrived" yet, nor am I claiming to. I am learning and growing in this process as much or even more so than my kids. 

"Why do you home school?"

Lots of reasons, really. Let me start with saying that I never intended to do this. It wasn't a part of my parenting game plan. When Shiloh was a toddler, I fully believed that she would one day go to public school (maaaybe private Christian school). Dustin and I had both spent the majority of our school years in public schools, with dabbles in Christian schools. We turned out okay-ish. We didn't see any harm in letting our kids go to public school. I actually remember thinking that we didn't want to "shelter our kids too much"...they would "need" to go to public school to be "normal". We really didn't have any positive exposure to homeschooling, so it wasn't  even  a viable option.

A little back story as to how we ended up homeschooling before I explain more of the whys. The spring before Shiloh was to begin Kindergarten everything shifted. We had been living in Austin for a year, and we were less than thrilled with the elementary school she would attend. We didn't want to stretch our budget to enroll her in the Christian school, mainly because we knew we wouldn't be able to sustain it for the other kiddos one day. One child we could possibly scrimp and save to make it happen, but four? Not possible. We were thrilled when we found out about Fortis Academy, a Classical Christian University Model School. (I know, ridiculous amount of descriptive words, but all those words = an awesome school) I'll explain more about the classical model later...but what we were initially drawn to was the University Model aspect.

A UMS campus has the students attend two days a week, Monday and Wednesday in our case. Parents then home school the remaining days, with books and lesson plans all chosen and prepared by the school. With a much lower tuition rate, we felt Fortis was an answer to prayers. Shiloh attended Kindergarten and the first semester of first grade there before we moved this past December to Athens, TX. With the mandatory parent trainings I had been through with Fortis under my belt as well as learning along the way during our home school days, we decided to continue homeschooling after our move. There was not a UMS option close by, so switching to 100% home school for the remaining school year seemed best. We already had all our books and could continue to follow along with the lesson plans from Fortis. The flexibility of homeschooling was a huge blessing as we settled into our new home and town. 

So with all that said, perhaps some of the answers to the whys will become more clear...because truly, our decision to home school was a gradual process. We did not start Shiloh's schooling with full time homeschooling, but we also knew from the beginning that public school was not where we wanted her to be. I am deeply grateful for God's good, good grace to have led us to Fortis. It was just what we needed to help us understand how to home school. I had so many conversations with like minded mama's, and spent time in many of their homes, checking out their school rooms and gathering ideas on organization/what to do with younger siblings/how to make it all work. It was a blessing to have that time of training. Of course, I didn't realize at the time what it was preparing me for.

Our thinking is shaped more by why we want them to be at home, rather than not in public school. I realize I am very privileged to be a home maker, and since I have that gift, I am blessed to be able to have my children home every day. Dustin and I want to be the main influences in their lives, and in order for that to happen, I need to be with them each day, rather than sending them to learn from a teacher and classmates. How can I shape and mold them if I'm not with them? We desire for them to have an authentic, deep and growing love for their Heavenly Father. We desire for our kids to intimately know their Creator and their Savior, and we feel it is our calling to make that happen. To us, that means using every day together to show God's truths to our children. 

I have heard it said that we should be sending our kids into public schools so that they can "be lights" to the other children there. I get that, I really do. However, it is our personal belief that at their young ages (7 & 5) our kids aren't ready to be lights in dark places yet. Do I hope and pray that someday they will indeed shine their lights for all to see? You better believe it! Until that time, while they are so small still, and so very impressionable, their little lights can shine in the safety of our home and outside our home in places we feel appropriate. There are a lot of opportunities to shine in our home...a lot of ways to serve and grow in grace. When we have messy moments...when tempers are lost and selfishness creates bickering...it is a blessing to be the one to draw everyone back together to mend relationships and learn the art of forgiveness. Countless times every day I have the chance to teach my children the most important truths they will ever learn...it is a huge responsibility and also a great honor. I pray that this molding of their hearts will last their lifetime and keep them ever drawn to their Lord. 

Other reasons why we chose to home school:

- we love the flexibility of our big picture calendar (taking breaks when we need to, vacationing at off-peak times) and also the fluidity to our days (learning is a natural part of each day, if we stink up a day we can try again tomorrow, if we want to take a field trip to further our learning we do it!)

- the time we spend together as a family is priceless. Watching these four develop strong bonds is so beautiful. We are prayerful that they will be tightly-knitted throughout their whole lives...we feel that this time together will further those relationships.

- the kids can take lessons (Shiloh does piano & voice) during the day rather than in the evening

- we don't feel a classroom of 20 or so peers is the environment we wish them to spend the majority of their days in

- older kids teaching the younger ones is awesome...for both sides.

- teaching our kids that God can be seen in all we are learning about, and that all of it points back to Him is the biggest blessing.

If you're familiar with Ann Voskamp, you might have heard the phrase "one piece life". That struck a chord with me and has since stuck with me as a goal for our family. Dustin and I are intentionally striving to create a one piece life for our family...to weave faith, family, education, service, and fun all into one beautiful thing. We are aiming to connect all those pieces into one, because we feel they are stronger together than separate. 

"What curriculum do you use?"

Our time at Fortis led me to embrace the classical model of education. In a nutshell, the classical model teaches students how to learn, rather than what to learn. It uses children's natural developmental stages to help them enjoy learning...so that they may do so their whole lives. 

While there are many options for classically based curriculum, we are excited to be using the Classical Conversations program for the first time. There is a new campus starting in our town, and we feel so blessed to have this way to connect with other homeschooling families and build a community here. Through the Classical Conversations program my kiddos will be learning History, Geography, English,  Math, Science & Latin. They will participate in science experiments/demonstrations, a fine arts lesson and group presentations (public speaking).  We meet on Monday mornings with other students from 9am-noon to set a framework for our week. The rest of the days we continue to study further into the weekly CC work as well as using the All About Spelling and Saxon Math programs.  

"What is your daily schedule like?"

It really works best (although it is hard sometimes...okay, a lot of times) to get going straight after breakfast. This requires that I wake up before the kiddos (H-A-R-D)...but when I do it sets our morning in motion in a good way. This is roughly what our school days will look like, but part of the beauty of this is that we have wiggle room.

8:00 - breakfast

8:30 - get dressed, make beds, brush teeth

9:00 - memory work in History, Geography, English, Science, Math & Latin

9:30 - All About Spelling/Shiloh     Handwriting/Deacon

10:00 - Handwriting/Shiloh     All About Spelling/Deacon

10:30 - Math

11:00 - Reading 

11:30 - free play

12:00 - lunch

12:30 - free play

1:00 - rest time (littles nap, big ones read or build with Legos)

2:30 - crafts/drawing/painting

3:00 - free play

4:30 - board or card game while I start dinner

I realize this schedule may look surprising if you compare it to a traditional school day, however, we can accomplish so much in a short amount of time. With only two students to teach, our time is condense...there is no filler time, no busy work, no built in buffer time to move from activity to activity. 

In another post I'll explain what I'll be doing around the house during the kids "free play" times, and also what I do with the younger ones during our school time. I will also share some homeschooling mama's that inspire me. 

This is a large part of what I'm in the midst of. It is my daily task, and it is not always easy. I have not chosen to home school because it's easier than sending the kids to school (although I think I would stink at getting the lunches, back packs, home work together and kids to school before the tardy bell 5 days a week!)...in fact, I think it's quite the challenge. I do believe that God works wonders in the difficult stuff of life. I pray that I will honor Him with what He has entrusted into my hands for this season. 

Words

Words are so powerful. 

The words of my children have been some of the most moving ones I've ever heard.

Goodness, they get right at me.

It's as if God pauses time, grabs me on both sides of my face and says "Listen to this. Listen to me. I am about to speak to you through your kids. It's just what you need to hear, trust me."


Time resumes and my child says the profoundest thing. 



Words that cause me to smile, to feel His very close love...



words that sting, that make me so thankful for lavish grace...



words that make me belly laugh, that remind me how much joy there is to be found each day...



words that convict, that urge me to walk closer to My Lord.




The past few weeks, our son, Deacon, has been saying one particular thought a lot. Apparently, it is one I need to be reminded of frequently...daily.

Our oldest daughter, Shiloh, likes to point out to Deacon that he is the only boy in the house. She reminds him that the male to female ratio in our house does not swing in his favor. Even when Daddy is home, there are still two more girls than boys. 



It is quite the "give-up-just-stop-trying-to-fight-it-and-accept-that-you're-out-numbered-and-alone" sentiment. Not quite hopeful or encouraging at all.



Isn't this the very same message...the very same words that Satan throws at us all the time? The words the Liar wants us to believe with our whole being?



So our sweet son, just four years young has a reply to the negativity that just stops me. It is the perfect, beautiful reminder that I always need to hear.




"I am not alone! I am not the only one. God and Jesus are here too. They are always here, always with me. So there are two more boys here right now. It's not just me!"



He speaks these words with such passion, such confidence. I love him for that. 



Just when I am feeling so stinkin' alone. So out numbered.  My Father speaks to me through my child, and reminds me that He is always with me. In this very moment...as I feel lost, frustrated, discouraged, tired, joyful, peaceful, content. He is with me. He is with you. Don't listen to the lie that tries to isolate you...you are never alone.

"...absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

 ~ Romans 8:39 (The Message) 

{He may very well live in the land of females...but I sure am thankful for our little man.}