A New Way

Half of my tribe is away on an adventure with Daddy, exploring downtown Atlanta. When an airline offers $1 tickets, you hop on that action no matter where or when they want you to go. At least we do.

So the other half of us are here at home. The 10 month old baby boy, two three year olds (my husband calls them the "Twin Terrors"…I 'm thinking we might need to come up with a softer nickname.) and myself.

How is it, that these three littles kept me on my toes all-freaking-day yesterday, even more so than when my six are are home together?

One of my kidlets, who shall remain nameless (but whose names sounds strikingly similar to Nursie), was a pill 90% of the day. I actually refer to that as being "a turd", lovingly, of course. She fought me on every little thing, she stirred up trouble with the other three year old constantly.

I told a friend last night, "It was one of those days where a child seeks out attention, even if it's the negative variety." Sigh. Those days are just exhausting, and they usually come when you expect things to be peaceful and easy.

I had three less children yesterday after all. It was supposed to be a cake walk.

Well, maybe not a cake walk exactly...but easier for sure.

Instead, it was a draining day.

Big family insider scoop: the more children in the family, the more *some* problems are diffused.

How does on earth is this possible, you ask?

My older children, (ages 9, 7 & 5) help distract, redirect and lighten up my little ones frequently. They see a younger one who needs help and their gut reaction is to lend a hand. They can sense that a storm is brewing and they creatively encourage calmness (or at the very least happy wildness). They do all this pretty much as second nature.

Yes, sometimes I ask, or beg, or yell from the other end of the house for them to "Please help a Mom out!"…but so many times, it's self started, self directed…it's just who they are.

Now don't hear me say my three oldest children are up for sainthood, cause that's not reality. They too create their fair share of strife…sibling squabbles are the tool God is using to refine me (and by "tool" I mean fire). The bickering, name calling, hitting, teasing…it's an area we work on daily. All day every day.

Somehow, someway, however, the truths about peace Dustin and I are speaking into their ears are soaking down into their souls. My children's hearts are being shaped, ever slowly, into people who help make peace.

I can see that right now more easily, because in their absence, we are missing their peace making skills.

It is usually in someone, or somethings absence that we are able to clearly understand what that person or thing brought to our life.

Sometimes, losing something or someone benefits our health…we are better off.

Other times, we realize what a gaping hole that something or someone has left behind…we are better because of it/them, but now our life is lacking that unique aspect they brought.

Even though this is a quick trip my children and husband are on, and Lord willing, they will be home late  tonight, tucked into their beds…they are gone right now, and we are missing them.

I am grateful for that longing, because I can more accurately see a gift they bring our family that I was taking for granted. They are far from perfect children (and those don't exist anyway), but good grief, they are stinkin' amazing at being the big siblings this crazy crew needs. Our older three are digesting the truths we are imperfectly, but consistently putting before them…that peace making is the way of Jesus, and the world surely needs a whole bunch more of us pursuing that way.



We are Matthew 5:9 people.


"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."


I kinda dig The Message wording…


"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family."

Uncovering

As 2013 drew to a close, and a new year started, I read a book that messed me up. In that good way.

"Uncover the art you were born to make. 

There's a reason I chose the word uncover. It's because our image-bearing identity is already true. But we often cover it up with discouragement. doubt, practicality, or excuses.

Instead of setting off on a journey to find your art, consider staying right where you are to uncover your art. Like the tree with roots crawling deep into the ground, God has already done the work of putting his art within you. I believe he's asking us to do the work of uncovering what is already true and trusting him to release it for his glory and the benefit of others."

-Emily P. Freeman, A Million Little Ways

"You want to know the meaning of life? This is your highest calling: You are called into the dynamic co-creation of the cosmos. This breath is your canvas and your brush. These are the raw materials for your art, for the life you are making. Nothing is off limits. Your backyard, your piano, your paintbrush, your conversation, Rwanda, New Orleans, Iraq, your marriage, your soul. You're making a living with every step you take."

-Jon Foreman (taken from A Million Little Ways)

I wrestled with those words...and I realized that I have been ignoring mine.

My life is pretty well wrapped up in the ongoings of our family. Sure, I take care to go on dates with my husband, to get together with friends and have "me" time every once in a while...but am I fully living out who I was created to be? Or am I just really good at wearing all the hats, balancing all the roles that I am super blessed to be in...without ever thinking twice about what God might want me to uncover.



Freeman suggests looking back into our childhood as a way to reconnect with the art we were created to make. So I did. I thought back through the years that held my most physically awkward times (oh my...that's putting it so very lightly), but also years that I was growing into me. I was exploring who I would become by fully embracing the way God had created me.

Little me was really cute. 

Words were so very important to me. I read every book I could get my hands on...Babysitters Club to my school library's Encyclopedia Brittanica (Nerd alert: I coveted those books. Every mail-order commercial made me swoon.). The genre did not matter, but having the words in front of me to journey through did. Even as an early reader, I savored each and every moment spent with a book.

Yes, I rocked bangs, glasses, braces AND the biggest jean "shorts" you've ever seen. (circa 1994)

Another key part to my look back into the younger me was remembering my journals. I am thankful to still have a few of those gems...and boy, do they reveal the heart and mind of little Carly. (slightly terrifying and hugely hilarious).  Daily happenings, special celebrations, the ups and downs of being a kid (and the torture of having two older brothers)...all captured on paper in my loopy, semi-cursive handwriting. For as much as I cherish thinking back on my childhood memories, reading through my old journals brings fresh perspective to those times. It's as if my memories are black and white, but reading my words brings them into color.

As the years went on, somewhere along the way I got distracted and stopped tuning in to my connection with words. In my growing up, I got busy...in my busyness I let go of the things that really make me, me. The me that God created me to be uses words to express myself. The me that God created me to be takes the time necessary to put my thoughts out before me, either typed or hand written. The me that God created me to be feels more like myself when I don't have a million ideas and thoughts jumbled up in my noggin'...because I've spent the time to purge them so I can have a clear head.

In the mix of wife life and motherhood I have been so caught up in everyone else that I squeezed out bits and pieces of myself that just couldn't fit in anymore. Little details that just had to go, because there was no where else for them to be...but gone. The habit of creativity was lost. Layer on a couple of decades, then four children and top it off with homeschooling (read as: never, ever having a moment to myself) ...and the me that needs to write got buried somewhere deep beneath.

I am incredibly thankful for my children, supportive and loving husband and the opportunity to home school. It is a choice I gladly make each day. I know that a life laid down most closely resembles Jesus, therefore I do not begrudge putting my family's needs before my own. However, after reading and wrestling with Freeman's book, I have begun to realize that I shouldn't wait till the kids are grown up and gone to unleash my creativity...that I need to find time to pursue it on a regular basis. Through tapping into my creative spirit, I am being fully who God created me to be...and that me, she is sure to be a better wife and mother.

So this is me, bravely stepping out into who God made me to be. It took a few months to accept the fact that this is indeed how I am created...and I am ready to fully embrace it. 

What is your creative calling? What creative art might be uncovered in your life, if you dared to look?

Questions: Why do we home school?

Can you feel the back-to-school-buzz? Moms everywhere are uniting in their excitement for another school year to commence. Sure, the 10 page long supply list and Wal-Mart bumper cart death match is dreaded...but the start of school cannot come fast enough for most moms (and probably some Dads too). Summer was a sweet thought...back in May, when parents were drowning in the end-of-school-year testing/papers/teacher gifts and class parties. But now, in the blazing heat of August, as all kids everywhere are going freaking stir crazy from being indoors a few too many days...school seems like an air conditioned dream. A potential seven glorious kid free hours a day...five days a week...to regain mental health lost over the past 2.5 months.


As you bump into other parents at this time of year, trivial chatter about school floats back and forth. What school/what grade/what teacher are exchanged as parents have memorized these stats for moments like these. Which means that I get "The Question" a lot. "Oh, you home school?" (those words spoken delicately, as if they are said too strongly, they might be "catching" and spread like an unwanted germ.) "That's...neat. Can I ask why?"


It's challenging to explain in a brief sentence why we home school. So the bump-into-answer differs greatly from the friends that ask...their desire to understand our why also differs from the random stranger whose "Why?" is truly more of an expletive rather than a real question. I've been able to share our homeschooling journey with several friends who have asked in the past couple of weeks, and I've so enjoyed getting to talk about it. I probably get a little too excited...it's hard to contain myself when I get going. (Consider yourself warned.)


So, for those of you who are curious to know, but we can't get together for coffee and kiddo playtime...here's my long over-due homeschooling scoop.

A couple of things to note first: 

1) These are my opinions/thoughts/beliefs. They don't have to be yours...I'm not trying to persuade you to change your mind, I'm simply sharing mine.

2) You don't have to agree with me. It's ok, we can still be friends. Promise.

3) This parenting/homeschooling/life thing is a journey...an adventure. I haven't "arrived" yet, nor am I claiming to. I am learning and growing in this process as much or even more so than my kids. 

"Why do you home school?"

Lots of reasons, really. Let me start with saying that I never intended to do this. It wasn't a part of my parenting game plan. When Shiloh was a toddler, I fully believed that she would one day go to public school (maaaybe private Christian school). Dustin and I had both spent the majority of our school years in public schools, with dabbles in Christian schools. We turned out okay-ish. We didn't see any harm in letting our kids go to public school. I actually remember thinking that we didn't want to "shelter our kids too much"...they would "need" to go to public school to be "normal". We really didn't have any positive exposure to homeschooling, so it wasn't  even  a viable option.

A little back story as to how we ended up homeschooling before I explain more of the whys. The spring before Shiloh was to begin Kindergarten everything shifted. We had been living in Austin for a year, and we were less than thrilled with the elementary school she would attend. We didn't want to stretch our budget to enroll her in the Christian school, mainly because we knew we wouldn't be able to sustain it for the other kiddos one day. One child we could possibly scrimp and save to make it happen, but four? Not possible. We were thrilled when we found out about Fortis Academy, a Classical Christian University Model School. (I know, ridiculous amount of descriptive words, but all those words = an awesome school) I'll explain more about the classical model later...but what we were initially drawn to was the University Model aspect.

A UMS campus has the students attend two days a week, Monday and Wednesday in our case. Parents then home school the remaining days, with books and lesson plans all chosen and prepared by the school. With a much lower tuition rate, we felt Fortis was an answer to prayers. Shiloh attended Kindergarten and the first semester of first grade there before we moved this past December to Athens, TX. With the mandatory parent trainings I had been through with Fortis under my belt as well as learning along the way during our home school days, we decided to continue homeschooling after our move. There was not a UMS option close by, so switching to 100% home school for the remaining school year seemed best. We already had all our books and could continue to follow along with the lesson plans from Fortis. The flexibility of homeschooling was a huge blessing as we settled into our new home and town. 

So with all that said, perhaps some of the answers to the whys will become more clear...because truly, our decision to home school was a gradual process. We did not start Shiloh's schooling with full time homeschooling, but we also knew from the beginning that public school was not where we wanted her to be. I am deeply grateful for God's good, good grace to have led us to Fortis. It was just what we needed to help us understand how to home school. I had so many conversations with like minded mama's, and spent time in many of their homes, checking out their school rooms and gathering ideas on organization/what to do with younger siblings/how to make it all work. It was a blessing to have that time of training. Of course, I didn't realize at the time what it was preparing me for.

Our thinking is shaped more by why we want them to be at home, rather than not in public school. I realize I am very privileged to be a home maker, and since I have that gift, I am blessed to be able to have my children home every day. Dustin and I want to be the main influences in their lives, and in order for that to happen, I need to be with them each day, rather than sending them to learn from a teacher and classmates. How can I shape and mold them if I'm not with them? We desire for them to have an authentic, deep and growing love for their Heavenly Father. We desire for our kids to intimately know their Creator and their Savior, and we feel it is our calling to make that happen. To us, that means using every day together to show God's truths to our children. 

I have heard it said that we should be sending our kids into public schools so that they can "be lights" to the other children there. I get that, I really do. However, it is our personal belief that at their young ages (7 & 5) our kids aren't ready to be lights in dark places yet. Do I hope and pray that someday they will indeed shine their lights for all to see? You better believe it! Until that time, while they are so small still, and so very impressionable, their little lights can shine in the safety of our home and outside our home in places we feel appropriate. There are a lot of opportunities to shine in our home...a lot of ways to serve and grow in grace. When we have messy moments...when tempers are lost and selfishness creates bickering...it is a blessing to be the one to draw everyone back together to mend relationships and learn the art of forgiveness. Countless times every day I have the chance to teach my children the most important truths they will ever learn...it is a huge responsibility and also a great honor. I pray that this molding of their hearts will last their lifetime and keep them ever drawn to their Lord. 

Other reasons why we chose to home school:

- we love the flexibility of our big picture calendar (taking breaks when we need to, vacationing at off-peak times) and also the fluidity to our days (learning is a natural part of each day, if we stink up a day we can try again tomorrow, if we want to take a field trip to further our learning we do it!)

- the time we spend together as a family is priceless. Watching these four develop strong bonds is so beautiful. We are prayerful that they will be tightly-knitted throughout their whole lives...we feel that this time together will further those relationships.

- the kids can take lessons (Shiloh does piano & voice) during the day rather than in the evening

- we don't feel a classroom of 20 or so peers is the environment we wish them to spend the majority of their days in

- older kids teaching the younger ones is awesome...for both sides.

- teaching our kids that God can be seen in all we are learning about, and that all of it points back to Him is the biggest blessing.

If you're familiar with Ann Voskamp, you might have heard the phrase "one piece life". That struck a chord with me and has since stuck with me as a goal for our family. Dustin and I are intentionally striving to create a one piece life for our family...to weave faith, family, education, service, and fun all into one beautiful thing. We are aiming to connect all those pieces into one, because we feel they are stronger together than separate. 

"What curriculum do you use?"

Our time at Fortis led me to embrace the classical model of education. In a nutshell, the classical model teaches students how to learn, rather than what to learn. It uses children's natural developmental stages to help them enjoy learning...so that they may do so their whole lives. 

While there are many options for classically based curriculum, we are excited to be using the Classical Conversations program for the first time. There is a new campus starting in our town, and we feel so blessed to have this way to connect with other homeschooling families and build a community here. Through the Classical Conversations program my kiddos will be learning History, Geography, English,  Math, Science & Latin. They will participate in science experiments/demonstrations, a fine arts lesson and group presentations (public speaking).  We meet on Monday mornings with other students from 9am-noon to set a framework for our week. The rest of the days we continue to study further into the weekly CC work as well as using the All About Spelling and Saxon Math programs.  

"What is your daily schedule like?"

It really works best (although it is hard sometimes...okay, a lot of times) to get going straight after breakfast. This requires that I wake up before the kiddos (H-A-R-D)...but when I do it sets our morning in motion in a good way. This is roughly what our school days will look like, but part of the beauty of this is that we have wiggle room.

8:00 - breakfast

8:30 - get dressed, make beds, brush teeth

9:00 - memory work in History, Geography, English, Science, Math & Latin

9:30 - All About Spelling/Shiloh     Handwriting/Deacon

10:00 - Handwriting/Shiloh     All About Spelling/Deacon

10:30 - Math

11:00 - Reading 

11:30 - free play

12:00 - lunch

12:30 - free play

1:00 - rest time (littles nap, big ones read or build with Legos)

2:30 - crafts/drawing/painting

3:00 - free play

4:30 - board or card game while I start dinner

I realize this schedule may look surprising if you compare it to a traditional school day, however, we can accomplish so much in a short amount of time. With only two students to teach, our time is condense...there is no filler time, no busy work, no built in buffer time to move from activity to activity. 

In another post I'll explain what I'll be doing around the house during the kids "free play" times, and also what I do with the younger ones during our school time. I will also share some homeschooling mama's that inspire me. 

This is a large part of what I'm in the midst of. It is my daily task, and it is not always easy. I have not chosen to home school because it's easier than sending the kids to school (although I think I would stink at getting the lunches, back packs, home work together and kids to school before the tardy bell 5 days a week!)...in fact, I think it's quite the challenge. I do believe that God works wonders in the difficult stuff of life. I pray that I will honor Him with what He has entrusted into my hands for this season. 

Words

Words are so powerful. 

The words of my children have been some of the most moving ones I've ever heard.

Goodness, they get right at me.

It's as if God pauses time, grabs me on both sides of my face and says "Listen to this. Listen to me. I am about to speak to you through your kids. It's just what you need to hear, trust me."


Time resumes and my child says the profoundest thing. 



Words that cause me to smile, to feel His very close love...



words that sting, that make me so thankful for lavish grace...



words that make me belly laugh, that remind me how much joy there is to be found each day...



words that convict, that urge me to walk closer to My Lord.




The past few weeks, our son, Deacon, has been saying one particular thought a lot. Apparently, it is one I need to be reminded of frequently...daily.

Our oldest daughter, Shiloh, likes to point out to Deacon that he is the only boy in the house. She reminds him that the male to female ratio in our house does not swing in his favor. Even when Daddy is home, there are still two more girls than boys. 



It is quite the "give-up-just-stop-trying-to-fight-it-and-accept-that-you're-out-numbered-and-alone" sentiment. Not quite hopeful or encouraging at all.



Isn't this the very same message...the very same words that Satan throws at us all the time? The words the Liar wants us to believe with our whole being?



So our sweet son, just four years young has a reply to the negativity that just stops me. It is the perfect, beautiful reminder that I always need to hear.




"I am not alone! I am not the only one. God and Jesus are here too. They are always here, always with me. So there are two more boys here right now. It's not just me!"



He speaks these words with such passion, such confidence. I love him for that. 



Just when I am feeling so stinkin' alone. So out numbered.  My Father speaks to me through my child, and reminds me that He is always with me. In this very moment...as I feel lost, frustrated, discouraged, tired, joyful, peaceful, content. He is with me. He is with you. Don't listen to the lie that tries to isolate you...you are never alone.

"...absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

 ~ Romans 8:39 (The Message) 

{He may very well live in the land of females...but I sure am thankful for our little man.}

Stac-ca-to

I live in the land of interruptions.

Four children age 6 (and a very important "3/4") and under = chaos never a dull moment. Someone always needs me. Right when I'm helping somebody else/preparing a meal/changing a diaper/picking up toys/folding laundry/using the restroom. Every. Time.

My life is staccato.

Stac-ca-to: "composed of or characterized by abruptly disconnected elements; disjointed..."

When I am in the midst of one thing...something/someone else demands my attention. Get started on (fill in the blank) and then (fill in the blank) forces me to redirect. Causes me to stop what I was doing and give attention elsewhere.

I rarely handle this with ease. My exterior may be calm, but my insides are raging "Ugh! Really? Why now?!". I just want everything to go how-I-want-it-to-go-when-I-want-it-to-go. Surely that's not asking too much.

And it's not just kids that are the source of these interruptions, you know. It's life. Just day to day life that can make me have to switch gears at the drop of a hat. All those things I can find myself in the midst of...well, they have an uncanny way of changing up on me quickly sometimes. 

Perhaps it's my vision that is the real problem here. Perhaps the staccato is more beautiful than I realize.





Perhaps what I see as an interruption is really a pause. 

Pause: "a temporary stop or rest, especially in speech or action..."

I get so easily wound up in myself...my lists, my tasks, my children, my house...it's all about M-E. 

Perhaps these pauses are not the intruding interruptions as my self-absorbed vision sees them. Perhaps they are wonderful gifts. Perhaps they are meant to draw me back to The One Who Loves Me. 

When I am in the middle of the "piranha hours" (4-6pm), trying to make dinner and keep the kids from squabbling there are frequent interruptions pauses. Getting Phoebe a drink. Watching Shiloh dance in the living room. Helping Deacon with a toy. Nursing Mercie. With each new interruption pause, it seems that I might never get done what I need to do. 

Choosing to see these moments as a pause frees me up from the burden of irritation. Frees me from feeling anxious.

A pause is brief. A pause is necessary.

I need to be constantly drawn back close to My Lord. What a precious gift these moments of pausing from my busyness can be! To say a prayer, to hum a praise, to remember that He is in all things, to rest from my hurried pace for one sweet moment at a time.

Yesterday morning there were a lot of pauses. It was a truly staccato start to our day. I pulled out of the driveway 25 minutes later than we should have to take Shiloh to school. At the end of our street this greeted me...because God is a master teacher, and always finds a way to make His point perfectly clear.

These trucks were collecting piles of branches that our neighbors (lovely people, by the way) had cut down. The truck on the left was grabbing the branches with a large claw, swinging them through the air and dropping them in the back of the truck on the right. They were in no hurry at all...as they completely blocked the road and our only way to exit the cul-de-sac.

My kids were in awe at the big trucks. They ooohed and aaahed as the massive claw grabbed tree limbs. They loved every minute of it. All five minutes of it, to be precise. 

My first reaction to this scenario was frustration; we were already late for crying out loud. But my heart quickly softened as I heard my children's sheer enjoyment. 

This pause was exactly what I needed in the midst of my hurried morning.

My impatience melted as we paused (quite literally this time) in the middle of the street. My children and I watched the trucks and had a chat about teamwork...amazed at the way these large trucks and half dozen men were working together. The claw truck (I have no idea what it's really called, please forgive me) was strong and specially skilled to grab the piles of branches...but this truck had nowhere to put what it had picked up. It needed the help of the big dumpster truck to complete the task of cleaning up. The dumpster truck (I know, you're super impressed with my wording) had a huge bed with plenty of room to hold the branches...but it had no way to pick up the load. It needed the help of the other truck. {Cue the "Wonder Pets" theme song..."What's going to work? Teamwork!"}

When the trucks finished their work and slowly drove on down the road we were finally freed to continue on our way. We were delayed by this pause, but what a gift it was. We all sweetened up a bit in those moments. 

How many opportunities have I missed simply because I refused to be paused by my Father? How many joy-filled, wonder-full moments have I let slip away because I was too busy with my "stuff" to look up and see what God was showing me?

 I want my family, my friends, complete strangers to know that they are more important than my day's to-do list. I want my Lord to know that I have eyes wide open for His hand in my life. That I am ready and willing to pause and redirect for His glory.

Whatever form they come in, I want to accept with grace the staccato moments, the pauses that undoubtedly will come into my midst. May you too find peace in the midst of your interruptions today...and may you see them as beautiful pauses, gifts from a loving Father.

Gathering

My thoughts are really scattered sometimes.

My poor husband. Seriously. This guy never knows if I just want to chat about the day's weather, or if I'm going to unload massive deep thoughts on him out of the clear blue. Glad I'm not him. :)

I have so much on my heart these days. So many questions, inklings, frustrations, desires, longings, passions, concerns. I have several different soap boxes. I'm understanding more about myself, who I am...who I pray I get the time to become. I am comfortable in my own skin, growing confident in my role as a wife, Mama, and daughter of The King.

I am realistic. I am terribly flawed. I am passionately driven. I love my God with an unquenchable fire. I am grateful for the love and friendship of my husband. I am stretched physically, mentally and spiritually by my three daughters and one son. I care about how our days/time/money/energies are spent.

Sometimes it's laundry...other times it's matters of the heart...but I am always in the midst. Always in the middle of something. Surrounded by, swallowed up in something.

At times it's a simple task. Chores, cleaning, organizing...the daily to-do's this life brings. They are inevitable and unescapable. I am in the midst of them. I want to do them well, to handle them with grace and care.

At times it's a hurdle. Pain, hurt, disappointment, struggles...I cannot avoid this. I am daily forced to wade through the midst of these. I cling to my life preserver in the flood, my hope in Christ, so I might make it through alive.

There are times of joy, celebration, worship, accomplishment...when my heart feels light and the world feels like a gentle place. I soak up my time in the midst of these good, God-given gifts. A little bit of Heaven on earth.

There are times of calm, content, rest. In the midst of this I sigh, breathe deep and uncurl my tightened grip on my life.

Wherever I am...I am always in the midst...the middle, in between, surrounded. And wherever I am, He is always in the midst of it all too. When what I am surrounded by feels like it's pressing in on all sides I  find comfort in His presence. He is always in the midst. And I am thankful.

I hope my journey brings encouragement. You are not alone. We are more alike than different and there is nothing new under the sun.

May my words be seasoned with grace in the midst of it all.