The Great Juggling Act Part Two: {don't drop the baby}

The question I am most commonly asked is "How do you manage the littler kids while you teach the older ones?" 

From some people,  I get the "I have no idea in the world how you do it."...which to me is really a statement wrestling with the above question.

Granted, it seems like total silliness to teach bigger kids with smaller kiddos underfoot. I mean, there are no babies and toddlers running around in public schools...throwing toys, begging for snacks, wanting to be held, stinking up the place with dirty diapers. It would be too distracting. So when you think of homeschooling, with children of a variety of ages, its hard to picture how it all works.

As with most things in life, another more seasoned woman has helped shape my understanding of this very matter. Drawing on the experience and insights from someone further down the road is priceless. Especially when the person has a relationship with Christ that they are filtering their lives through. 

When I began this homeschooling journey with Shiloh in kindergarten, my other kids were 3 yrs and 1 yrs old...and I was pregnant with our fourth baby, due that May. I read this article and it resonated with me profoundly. 

While academics are important, very, very important...they are not everything. 

They are not the main lesson.

Understanding this, digesting this, living out this truth 

has made all the difference for me. 

It has given me peace during the moments I would have otherwise given up. 

I cannot do it all. I cannot keep all four children (now ages 7, 5, 3 & 1) happy, contented, on task, engaged in learning, playing peacefully at all times. There is no magic way to entertain my two little ones while I teach the older two. There is no perfect trick, no brilliant toy, no clever system to make it happen. I realize this might be incredibly discouraging to those of you hoping that I have discovered the golden ticket on Pinterest somewhere. 

The truth is, "the baby IS the lesson". 

(If you didn't click on the link above and read the article I mentioned, go do it!)

How I respond to my little ones, in the midst of our learning time each day, is the true lesson I want my bigger kids to learn. I want them to grasp how very precious little ones are, that the helpless need our help...no matter what our agenda is. I want my older kids to learn selflessness, and it starts with me. Yikes. 

When I treat my two precious little ones as if they are a burden...that is the truth I am teaching. When I sigh, and fret and stress out that my little ones need my help or my attention again...that is the truth I am teaching. When I show my frustration that toddlers and babies are annoying me by acting like toddlers and babies...that is the truth I am teaching.

Above math, science, English & history I desire for my children to be in love with their Creator, and to live lives that selflessly serve those around them. I believe that starts at home, with each of them and Dustin and I. We have the high calling to teach God's truths to them. Some of that teaching happens through words...but most of it happens through our hands. What we show our children by what we do is the most powerful lesson they will ever learn. 

In our home, I remind myself that the baby is the lesson pretty much everyday. Sometimes, I am able to give the big two a little instruction of what to do while I step away for a moment. Other times, I have to jump and run to the needs of a little one and the big two know to pause and wait. There are moments all I need to do is pick up one of the littler ones and snuggle them while I continue teaching. While I try to keep toys out of the school room while the big ones are working, the exception is the stray toys the little ones drag in and out. I want our little ones to know that they are always welcome, never a bother. 

There are times, however, when my little ones need to learn that they must be quiet, or take their playing to another room if they wish to keep being loud. That's a part of the teaching and learning that is going on too...the little ones learning that they must respect the work the big ones are doing. 

While there is no one magic solution to keeping the little ones busy in a good way, there are basic ideas I use. Most of these I pull out only when they seem to be having a hard time playing on their own. There are those days & those moments when nothing else seems to keep little hands busy...so pull from these:

- A few toys/puzzles/educational games that they can use independently...that are only for use during school time. The key to this is making sure they don't need much extra help to enjoy them. That may mean showing them during a non-school time how to use or play with them. We have found these Alphabet Popsicles to be a great "toy" for times such as this. 

- Create a sticker chart to reward good behavior. This works for my 3 year old, who is old enough to get the concept. 

-Save TV time to use only as a last resort. If the TV is playing all day long, the kids learn to tune it out, and all it adds is extra noise. Use it sparingly, and when you do turn it on let them know the only way it stays on is if they sit down and watch the show quietly. We prefer for shows that teach things we approve of...there is A LOT of mindless, fluff directed at children, which we avoid. (That's probably a whole other post for another time.) Some of our favorites include "Super Why", "Word World", "Sesame Street", "Little Einstein's",  "Veggie Tales", "God Rocks" & "Friends & Heroes".

So, for those of you with little ones underfoot as you are teaching at home...know this...He will give you what you need each day. He will prepare your heart to handle interruptions with grace. He will give you the patience you need to be the mom they deserve. Start your morning with time with God, and you will see Him drawing you ever close throughout your day.

This verse has been my anthem, it speaks to me in every area of my life. As my heart is drawn closer to God and His all-surpassing-never-failing-love I am filled with Christ's perseverance. I must rely on His strength to get me through the challenging moments...the imperfect-chaotic-stressed-out-times when, if up to me, and my strength I could stink up our whole day. I am selfish, but through Christ I am constantly being refined to become more and more selfless. And that is a lesson worth teaching every day.

The Great Juggling Act Part One: {house work}

One of the biggest challenges in home schooling is learning how to juggle. Learning the balance and rhythm to make your days flow without losing your sanity in the process. Just the thought of this keeps many moms from embarking on homeschooling. They count themselves inadequate without even attempting it. I have heard literally dozens and dozens and dozens of times "I could never do that!".  

The reality is, it's hard. It's incredibly challenging...and aside from actual labor and child birth, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. When your children are home all day every day there is NO break in the action. There is no one to watch your kids while you clean the house/tackle the laundry monster/organize an over-stuffed closet/do the dishes or cook dinner...which means that in order to do any of those things (which unfortunately must be done, most of them daily) you have to somehow keep an eye on your children/keep them from hurting themselves or each other and play: waitress-nurse-problem solver-fight breaker upper. To add the weight of educating your children to this jumble of responsibilities sounds like absolute madness. I truly understand the "I could never..." sentiment...because if I'm completely honest, I can get swept up by a wave of discouragement and count myself not fit for the task. 

Satan loves to use any smidge of self doubt to drag me down and keep me from that which God has called me to. He's very crafty and very lame like that. He can actually work his negativity web around me so slyly that I begin to think it's reality...and I begin to question everything I've been working towards. 

I know what is it to self doubt. I know what is it to feel that the role I've been called to is bigger than what I can actually do. 

Thankfully, I also know The One who created me. The One who put a desire in me from a young age to have a family of my own one day...The One who stirred up my heart to keep my children close and pursue home school...The One who blessed me with a supportive husband and united our hearts for this endeavor. How could I see all that my Heavenly Father has specially equipped me with and then turn my back on the calling He gave me? 

I believe that this crazy juggling act before me is one that God has prepared for me to do. That is what I cling to when all else seems out of control and too darn hard.

So how do I add home school into our day and also juggle younger children and housework? I'll tell you what I have done, and I'll tell you what I'm looking forward to doing this new school year (which starts next Monday!).  I am a firm believer in trial and error. I am forever changing things up and trying to find a better way to do things...because I believe that putting into practice what we learn, from both positive and negative experiences is a good thing. Static living is not living to the fullest. And I don't know about you, but with 4 kiddos in tow, I just don't have time to waste doing things that don't matter. 

With housework...what I have done in the past is just survive. Truly. The past two years of homeschooling I have not had a rhythm to my housework; and that is something I am actually excited about altering this school year. In the past, I have cleaned only out of necessity. 

Oh, a kid scribbled crayon on the tile floor?...I guess I'll scrub that. 

A spider ran into that dusty corner?...guess I'll squish it and wipe up the dust.

An entire, brand new box of cereal was just dumped on the floor?...I'll get the broom.

A kiddo used diaper cream as hair & body lotion?...time to do some laundry.

A couple of us are out of clean underwear?...quick, add it to the washer!


People are coming over for dinner?...I'll do a fast and furious wipe down of the bathrooms and hide stray toys.

Seriously, this was how I managed...or lacked to manage our home. Slightly embarrassing but hey, I was also pregnant with baby numero quatro or had a newborn for those two years so I'm cutting my previous self some slack. 

You can imagine how this style of doing things only added stress. Chores around the house were dealt with on a crisis basis...there was no preventative measures, no routine to keep the house in a presentable state each day. That spelled disaster. It caused panic. It was not fun.

I have been easing into a new routine around the house, and the smallest of changes are helping in big ways. It's a little bit "Fly Lady" and a whole lotta Large Family Logistics . 

Basically, I am going  from haphazard homemaking to having a time planned to take care of all that goes into running our house. I now have specific days and specific times to tackle the daily tasks (laundry, dishes, cooking, picking up) and also the weekly to-dos (floor cleaning, bill paying/filing, bathroom cleaning, sheet washing, dusting and special cleaning or organizing projects). I will be adopting even more of the new house work routines as we begin our new schedules next week. 

Since I consider myself a pretty laid back gal, I have fought this type of scheduling with everything within me. Hence, my less than stellar approach I described above. However, now that there are six of us in this family, it is really unavoidable. I must put my big girl panties on and do some things I do not like...for the sake of my family. I have noticed, as I have been creeping ever so slowly into some of these new habits, that after  couple of weeks they are starting to come more naturally. One such adjustment is making sure my sink is empty each night and that the dish washer is running before I go to bed. Old Carly would look at the dirty dishes from dinner and hope that I would have more energy or time to deal with them the next morning. I was crazy. The next morning, it was terrible to come into the kitchen to see last nights food stuck on like cement. Not an encouraging start to the day. It was even worse when I had no clean sippy cups/spoons/bowls/fill in the blank because they were all staring at me under a glaze of yesterday's food. No bueno. As kids began thundering down the stairs asking for breakfast, the dishes added a huge stress at what should have been a sweet start to a new day.

So now I put forth a little extra effort, a little extra time to make sure the dishes will greet me in the best way possible in the mornings...clean. Sounds simple? It is, but it's these simple, thought out, intentional things that make a big difference. Here's how it fits into our daily schedule: (my added housework is in blue).

6:30 - get up, coffee & Bible study, start laundry
7:30 - get dressed, empty dish washer

8:00 - breakfast

8:30 - get dressed, make beds, brush teeth
         help little ones get dressed and make sure school room is ready, change  
         out laundry

9:00 - memory work in History, Geography, English, Science, Math & Latin

9:30 - All About Spelling/Shiloh     Handwriting/Deacon

10:00 - Handwriting/Shiloh     All About Spelling/Deacon

10:30 - Math

11:00 - Reading 

11:30 - free play
           clean up school room, fold laundry & prepare lunch

12:00 - lunch

12:30 - free play
           clean up lunch, get little ones ready for nap & put away laundry

1:00 - rest time (littles nap, big ones read or build with Legos)
          my time! :) Read, email/blog/facebook, nap, tv show 

2:30 - crafts/drawing/painting

3:00 - free play
         weekly chore (different every day) & quick clean up of the house before  
         Daddy comes home

4:30 - board or card game while I start dinner

It's simple, but it's intentional. I really like the idea of being done with the days house work by dinner time. Granted, there will be dishes...and there could be other odd jobs because of the kiddos, but for the most part, my house work ends with dinner. That is a good thing for me and my guilty-mama complex. Now I can put my feet up and relax with my hubby to end the night and not feel compelled to do more. I can rest assured that I used my time fully that day and that everything else can wait for tomorrow. 


For some of you, this may seem like a no brainer. Perhaps you've had a routine to your house work that you've slipped into easily and now it comes second nature to you. You are awesome and I salute you. Others might be in the chaos I used to be in, of haphazard homemaking...let me encourage you, you can do it! You can make slow changes that will become new habits. Decide on one thing, one area of your home and commit to handle that one thing differently...don't pressure yourself to change everything all at once. Take a deep breath and allow yourself time to work up to more. Be proud of the small changes and celebrate your victories. 


Have you had success or struggles in this? Are you a reformed haphazard homemaker? I'd love to hear your ideas, tips and how you handle this part of creating your house a great home for your family. Are you living in the chaos of reactive house work? What one area are you going to commit to make small changes in?


Blessings to you today as you are in the midst of this!

Up next...The Great Juggling Act Part Two: {younger children & home school}

Questions: Why do we home school?

Can you feel the back-to-school-buzz? Moms everywhere are uniting in their excitement for another school year to commence. Sure, the 10 page long supply list and Wal-Mart bumper cart death match is dreaded...but the start of school cannot come fast enough for most moms (and probably some Dads too). Summer was a sweet thought...back in May, when parents were drowning in the end-of-school-year testing/papers/teacher gifts and class parties. But now, in the blazing heat of August, as all kids everywhere are going freaking stir crazy from being indoors a few too many days...school seems like an air conditioned dream. A potential seven glorious kid free hours a day...five days a week...to regain mental health lost over the past 2.5 months.


As you bump into other parents at this time of year, trivial chatter about school floats back and forth. What school/what grade/what teacher are exchanged as parents have memorized these stats for moments like these. Which means that I get "The Question" a lot. "Oh, you home school?" (those words spoken delicately, as if they are said too strongly, they might be "catching" and spread like an unwanted germ.) "That's...neat. Can I ask why?"


It's challenging to explain in a brief sentence why we home school. So the bump-into-answer differs greatly from the friends that ask...their desire to understand our why also differs from the random stranger whose "Why?" is truly more of an expletive rather than a real question. I've been able to share our homeschooling journey with several friends who have asked in the past couple of weeks, and I've so enjoyed getting to talk about it. I probably get a little too excited...it's hard to contain myself when I get going. (Consider yourself warned.)


So, for those of you who are curious to know, but we can't get together for coffee and kiddo playtime...here's my long over-due homeschooling scoop.

A couple of things to note first: 

1) These are my opinions/thoughts/beliefs. They don't have to be yours...I'm not trying to persuade you to change your mind, I'm simply sharing mine.

2) You don't have to agree with me. It's ok, we can still be friends. Promise.

3) This parenting/homeschooling/life thing is a journey...an adventure. I haven't "arrived" yet, nor am I claiming to. I am learning and growing in this process as much or even more so than my kids. 

"Why do you home school?"

Lots of reasons, really. Let me start with saying that I never intended to do this. It wasn't a part of my parenting game plan. When Shiloh was a toddler, I fully believed that she would one day go to public school (maaaybe private Christian school). Dustin and I had both spent the majority of our school years in public schools, with dabbles in Christian schools. We turned out okay-ish. We didn't see any harm in letting our kids go to public school. I actually remember thinking that we didn't want to "shelter our kids too much"...they would "need" to go to public school to be "normal". We really didn't have any positive exposure to homeschooling, so it wasn't  even  a viable option.

A little back story as to how we ended up homeschooling before I explain more of the whys. The spring before Shiloh was to begin Kindergarten everything shifted. We had been living in Austin for a year, and we were less than thrilled with the elementary school she would attend. We didn't want to stretch our budget to enroll her in the Christian school, mainly because we knew we wouldn't be able to sustain it for the other kiddos one day. One child we could possibly scrimp and save to make it happen, but four? Not possible. We were thrilled when we found out about Fortis Academy, a Classical Christian University Model School. (I know, ridiculous amount of descriptive words, but all those words = an awesome school) I'll explain more about the classical model later...but what we were initially drawn to was the University Model aspect.

A UMS campus has the students attend two days a week, Monday and Wednesday in our case. Parents then home school the remaining days, with books and lesson plans all chosen and prepared by the school. With a much lower tuition rate, we felt Fortis was an answer to prayers. Shiloh attended Kindergarten and the first semester of first grade there before we moved this past December to Athens, TX. With the mandatory parent trainings I had been through with Fortis under my belt as well as learning along the way during our home school days, we decided to continue homeschooling after our move. There was not a UMS option close by, so switching to 100% home school for the remaining school year seemed best. We already had all our books and could continue to follow along with the lesson plans from Fortis. The flexibility of homeschooling was a huge blessing as we settled into our new home and town. 

So with all that said, perhaps some of the answers to the whys will become more clear...because truly, our decision to home school was a gradual process. We did not start Shiloh's schooling with full time homeschooling, but we also knew from the beginning that public school was not where we wanted her to be. I am deeply grateful for God's good, good grace to have led us to Fortis. It was just what we needed to help us understand how to home school. I had so many conversations with like minded mama's, and spent time in many of their homes, checking out their school rooms and gathering ideas on organization/what to do with younger siblings/how to make it all work. It was a blessing to have that time of training. Of course, I didn't realize at the time what it was preparing me for.

Our thinking is shaped more by why we want them to be at home, rather than not in public school. I realize I am very privileged to be a home maker, and since I have that gift, I am blessed to be able to have my children home every day. Dustin and I want to be the main influences in their lives, and in order for that to happen, I need to be with them each day, rather than sending them to learn from a teacher and classmates. How can I shape and mold them if I'm not with them? We desire for them to have an authentic, deep and growing love for their Heavenly Father. We desire for our kids to intimately know their Creator and their Savior, and we feel it is our calling to make that happen. To us, that means using every day together to show God's truths to our children. 

I have heard it said that we should be sending our kids into public schools so that they can "be lights" to the other children there. I get that, I really do. However, it is our personal belief that at their young ages (7 & 5) our kids aren't ready to be lights in dark places yet. Do I hope and pray that someday they will indeed shine their lights for all to see? You better believe it! Until that time, while they are so small still, and so very impressionable, their little lights can shine in the safety of our home and outside our home in places we feel appropriate. There are a lot of opportunities to shine in our home...a lot of ways to serve and grow in grace. When we have messy moments...when tempers are lost and selfishness creates bickering...it is a blessing to be the one to draw everyone back together to mend relationships and learn the art of forgiveness. Countless times every day I have the chance to teach my children the most important truths they will ever learn...it is a huge responsibility and also a great honor. I pray that this molding of their hearts will last their lifetime and keep them ever drawn to their Lord. 

Other reasons why we chose to home school:

- we love the flexibility of our big picture calendar (taking breaks when we need to, vacationing at off-peak times) and also the fluidity to our days (learning is a natural part of each day, if we stink up a day we can try again tomorrow, if we want to take a field trip to further our learning we do it!)

- the time we spend together as a family is priceless. Watching these four develop strong bonds is so beautiful. We are prayerful that they will be tightly-knitted throughout their whole lives...we feel that this time together will further those relationships.

- the kids can take lessons (Shiloh does piano & voice) during the day rather than in the evening

- we don't feel a classroom of 20 or so peers is the environment we wish them to spend the majority of their days in

- older kids teaching the younger ones is awesome...for both sides.

- teaching our kids that God can be seen in all we are learning about, and that all of it points back to Him is the biggest blessing.

If you're familiar with Ann Voskamp, you might have heard the phrase "one piece life". That struck a chord with me and has since stuck with me as a goal for our family. Dustin and I are intentionally striving to create a one piece life for our family...to weave faith, family, education, service, and fun all into one beautiful thing. We are aiming to connect all those pieces into one, because we feel they are stronger together than separate. 

"What curriculum do you use?"

Our time at Fortis led me to embrace the classical model of education. In a nutshell, the classical model teaches students how to learn, rather than what to learn. It uses children's natural developmental stages to help them enjoy learning...so that they may do so their whole lives. 

While there are many options for classically based curriculum, we are excited to be using the Classical Conversations program for the first time. There is a new campus starting in our town, and we feel so blessed to have this way to connect with other homeschooling families and build a community here. Through the Classical Conversations program my kiddos will be learning History, Geography, English,  Math, Science & Latin. They will participate in science experiments/demonstrations, a fine arts lesson and group presentations (public speaking).  We meet on Monday mornings with other students from 9am-noon to set a framework for our week. The rest of the days we continue to study further into the weekly CC work as well as using the All About Spelling and Saxon Math programs.  

"What is your daily schedule like?"

It really works best (although it is hard sometimes...okay, a lot of times) to get going straight after breakfast. This requires that I wake up before the kiddos (H-A-R-D)...but when I do it sets our morning in motion in a good way. This is roughly what our school days will look like, but part of the beauty of this is that we have wiggle room.

8:00 - breakfast

8:30 - get dressed, make beds, brush teeth

9:00 - memory work in History, Geography, English, Science, Math & Latin

9:30 - All About Spelling/Shiloh     Handwriting/Deacon

10:00 - Handwriting/Shiloh     All About Spelling/Deacon

10:30 - Math

11:00 - Reading 

11:30 - free play

12:00 - lunch

12:30 - free play

1:00 - rest time (littles nap, big ones read or build with Legos)

2:30 - crafts/drawing/painting

3:00 - free play

4:30 - board or card game while I start dinner

I realize this schedule may look surprising if you compare it to a traditional school day, however, we can accomplish so much in a short amount of time. With only two students to teach, our time is condense...there is no filler time, no busy work, no built in buffer time to move from activity to activity. 

In another post I'll explain what I'll be doing around the house during the kids "free play" times, and also what I do with the younger ones during our school time. I will also share some homeschooling mama's that inspire me. 

This is a large part of what I'm in the midst of. It is my daily task, and it is not always easy. I have not chosen to home school because it's easier than sending the kids to school (although I think I would stink at getting the lunches, back packs, home work together and kids to school before the tardy bell 5 days a week!)...in fact, I think it's quite the challenge. I do believe that God works wonders in the difficult stuff of life. I pray that I will honor Him with what He has entrusted into my hands for this season. 

Journey

Advent is so beautiful. To expectantly wait...to hopefully watch for the arrival of our Lord. It is a wonderful way to focus during the holiday season, but better yet, it is how we should live every single day. To be advent people. To be waiting, hopefully expectant in our Lord.

Advent has held a different weight for me this year. Our little family has been hopefully waiting on God. It sounds lovely and peaceful...but let me tell you, it is not always so easy. It was at times stressful and frustrating. There were tears and countless late night conversations. We were stretched emotionally and physically. Waiting on the Lord is oh so holy, but equally oh so hard.

Sweet Mary's advent was not different. It was stressful and I'm sure there were tears (a very pregnant woman on a 80 mile donkey ride? Yikes.). I would imagine that she had many late night conversations with Joseph...they were stretched emotionally and physically. How hard was this journey of theirs? How difficult was their season of advent?...as they waited on their Lord to arrive as a small babe...as they waited on their God to hold true to His promises?

I am especially thankful as 2012 comes to a close. Our family is in the midst of a huge change as we move to a new town, and embark on a new chapter as we follow God's call. We will continue to be advent people as we wait expectantly on the Lord. He has been so faithful to us (even more so than we deserve...isn't that His wonderful way?), and we are confident that as we draw close to Him, He will draw close to us.

In the midst of this journey we will put our hope in our Lord.

Words

Words are so powerful. 

The words of my children have been some of the most moving ones I've ever heard.

Goodness, they get right at me.

It's as if God pauses time, grabs me on both sides of my face and says "Listen to this. Listen to me. I am about to speak to you through your kids. It's just what you need to hear, trust me."


Time resumes and my child says the profoundest thing. 



Words that cause me to smile, to feel His very close love...



words that sting, that make me so thankful for lavish grace...



words that make me belly laugh, that remind me how much joy there is to be found each day...



words that convict, that urge me to walk closer to My Lord.




The past few weeks, our son, Deacon, has been saying one particular thought a lot. Apparently, it is one I need to be reminded of frequently...daily.

Our oldest daughter, Shiloh, likes to point out to Deacon that he is the only boy in the house. She reminds him that the male to female ratio in our house does not swing in his favor. Even when Daddy is home, there are still two more girls than boys. 



It is quite the "give-up-just-stop-trying-to-fight-it-and-accept-that-you're-out-numbered-and-alone" sentiment. Not quite hopeful or encouraging at all.



Isn't this the very same message...the very same words that Satan throws at us all the time? The words the Liar wants us to believe with our whole being?



So our sweet son, just four years young has a reply to the negativity that just stops me. It is the perfect, beautiful reminder that I always need to hear.




"I am not alone! I am not the only one. God and Jesus are here too. They are always here, always with me. So there are two more boys here right now. It's not just me!"



He speaks these words with such passion, such confidence. I love him for that. 



Just when I am feeling so stinkin' alone. So out numbered.  My Father speaks to me through my child, and reminds me that He is always with me. In this very moment...as I feel lost, frustrated, discouraged, tired, joyful, peaceful, content. He is with me. He is with you. Don't listen to the lie that tries to isolate you...you are never alone.

"...absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

 ~ Romans 8:39 (The Message) 

{He may very well live in the land of females...but I sure am thankful for our little man.}

Disclaimer

What I am pouring out here is only what I'm working on. 

These are the ways that God is working on my heart.

These are the stirrings in my soul that I refuse to ignore.

I could chose to show only my "best side" here. 
My "I've-got-it-all-together-check-it-out-I'm-blogging-doing-my-Bible-study-and-chugging-water" self.

I have not perfected anything.

 (Not marriage, not parenting, not friendship/home school/

home making...nothing.)

Probably because I am a far cry from perfect.

But, in reality...I'm eating mini Oreos on the side. 
(And there is a mess I've tucked out of sight behind the computer.)

I have a sink full of dirty dishes I'm ignoring while I write this.

I had several "pauses" during my intended quiet writing (kids supposed to be resting) time in the form of a sweet but loud baby, a big girl showing me how she beat a hard level on her game, and a brother being generally goofy.

I am just like you in more ways than not.

I am a bit of a beautiful mess.

I am a simple, sin-rescued-but-still-sin-enticed woman.

Satan wants to mess me up. He wants to see me fall flat and feel too shamed to lift my head and try again. (You too, actually.) I refuse to let him have a foothold in my life. But it takes vigilance...relying on My Father's strength time and again.

This place is where I am choosing to honor my Lord with giving words to what He is burdening my heart with.

God is constantly challenging my thoughts, urging me to walk closer to Him. 

He has placed a desire in me to use my life, my ups and downs to encourage others. Even if one person...one time...hears a bit of God's heart in this place...if one person senses that God just might be talking to them...then all praise to God! 

I pray that as I wrestle with what I am in the midst of, you might be encouraged in your walk too. Not because I have it all together and am encouraging you from a place of perfection...but just the opposite. I am working through my faith, experiencing very real growing pains along the way. Perhaps you feel the same. May you listen closely to the whispers of The Savior.

Stac-ca-to

I live in the land of interruptions.

Four children age 6 (and a very important "3/4") and under = chaos never a dull moment. Someone always needs me. Right when I'm helping somebody else/preparing a meal/changing a diaper/picking up toys/folding laundry/using the restroom. Every. Time.

My life is staccato.

Stac-ca-to: "composed of or characterized by abruptly disconnected elements; disjointed..."

When I am in the midst of one thing...something/someone else demands my attention. Get started on (fill in the blank) and then (fill in the blank) forces me to redirect. Causes me to stop what I was doing and give attention elsewhere.

I rarely handle this with ease. My exterior may be calm, but my insides are raging "Ugh! Really? Why now?!". I just want everything to go how-I-want-it-to-go-when-I-want-it-to-go. Surely that's not asking too much.

And it's not just kids that are the source of these interruptions, you know. It's life. Just day to day life that can make me have to switch gears at the drop of a hat. All those things I can find myself in the midst of...well, they have an uncanny way of changing up on me quickly sometimes. 

Perhaps it's my vision that is the real problem here. Perhaps the staccato is more beautiful than I realize.





Perhaps what I see as an interruption is really a pause. 

Pause: "a temporary stop or rest, especially in speech or action..."

I get so easily wound up in myself...my lists, my tasks, my children, my house...it's all about M-E. 

Perhaps these pauses are not the intruding interruptions as my self-absorbed vision sees them. Perhaps they are wonderful gifts. Perhaps they are meant to draw me back to The One Who Loves Me. 

When I am in the middle of the "piranha hours" (4-6pm), trying to make dinner and keep the kids from squabbling there are frequent interruptions pauses. Getting Phoebe a drink. Watching Shiloh dance in the living room. Helping Deacon with a toy. Nursing Mercie. With each new interruption pause, it seems that I might never get done what I need to do. 

Choosing to see these moments as a pause frees me up from the burden of irritation. Frees me from feeling anxious.

A pause is brief. A pause is necessary.

I need to be constantly drawn back close to My Lord. What a precious gift these moments of pausing from my busyness can be! To say a prayer, to hum a praise, to remember that He is in all things, to rest from my hurried pace for one sweet moment at a time.

Yesterday morning there were a lot of pauses. It was a truly staccato start to our day. I pulled out of the driveway 25 minutes later than we should have to take Shiloh to school. At the end of our street this greeted me...because God is a master teacher, and always finds a way to make His point perfectly clear.

These trucks were collecting piles of branches that our neighbors (lovely people, by the way) had cut down. The truck on the left was grabbing the branches with a large claw, swinging them through the air and dropping them in the back of the truck on the right. They were in no hurry at all...as they completely blocked the road and our only way to exit the cul-de-sac.

My kids were in awe at the big trucks. They ooohed and aaahed as the massive claw grabbed tree limbs. They loved every minute of it. All five minutes of it, to be precise. 

My first reaction to this scenario was frustration; we were already late for crying out loud. But my heart quickly softened as I heard my children's sheer enjoyment. 

This pause was exactly what I needed in the midst of my hurried morning.

My impatience melted as we paused (quite literally this time) in the middle of the street. My children and I watched the trucks and had a chat about teamwork...amazed at the way these large trucks and half dozen men were working together. The claw truck (I have no idea what it's really called, please forgive me) was strong and specially skilled to grab the piles of branches...but this truck had nowhere to put what it had picked up. It needed the help of the big dumpster truck to complete the task of cleaning up. The dumpster truck (I know, you're super impressed with my wording) had a huge bed with plenty of room to hold the branches...but it had no way to pick up the load. It needed the help of the other truck. {Cue the "Wonder Pets" theme song..."What's going to work? Teamwork!"}

When the trucks finished their work and slowly drove on down the road we were finally freed to continue on our way. We were delayed by this pause, but what a gift it was. We all sweetened up a bit in those moments. 

How many opportunities have I missed simply because I refused to be paused by my Father? How many joy-filled, wonder-full moments have I let slip away because I was too busy with my "stuff" to look up and see what God was showing me?

 I want my family, my friends, complete strangers to know that they are more important than my day's to-do list. I want my Lord to know that I have eyes wide open for His hand in my life. That I am ready and willing to pause and redirect for His glory.

Whatever form they come in, I want to accept with grace the staccato moments, the pauses that undoubtedly will come into my midst. May you too find peace in the midst of your interruptions today...and may you see them as beautiful pauses, gifts from a loving Father.