Journey

Advent is so beautiful. To expectantly wait...to hopefully watch for the arrival of our Lord. It is a wonderful way to focus during the holiday season, but better yet, it is how we should live every single day. To be advent people. To be waiting, hopefully expectant in our Lord.

Advent has held a different weight for me this year. Our little family has been hopefully waiting on God. It sounds lovely and peaceful...but let me tell you, it is not always so easy. It was at times stressful and frustrating. There were tears and countless late night conversations. We were stretched emotionally and physically. Waiting on the Lord is oh so holy, but equally oh so hard.

Sweet Mary's advent was not different. It was stressful and I'm sure there were tears (a very pregnant woman on a 80 mile donkey ride? Yikes.). I would imagine that she had many late night conversations with Joseph...they were stretched emotionally and physically. How hard was this journey of theirs? How difficult was their season of advent?...as they waited on their Lord to arrive as a small babe...as they waited on their God to hold true to His promises?

I am especially thankful as 2012 comes to a close. Our family is in the midst of a huge change as we move to a new town, and embark on a new chapter as we follow God's call. We will continue to be advent people as we wait expectantly on the Lord. He has been so faithful to us (even more so than we deserve...isn't that His wonderful way?), and we are confident that as we draw close to Him, He will draw close to us.

In the midst of this journey we will put our hope in our Lord.

Words

Words are so powerful. 

The words of my children have been some of the most moving ones I've ever heard.

Goodness, they get right at me.

It's as if God pauses time, grabs me on both sides of my face and says "Listen to this. Listen to me. I am about to speak to you through your kids. It's just what you need to hear, trust me."


Time resumes and my child says the profoundest thing. 



Words that cause me to smile, to feel His very close love...



words that sting, that make me so thankful for lavish grace...



words that make me belly laugh, that remind me how much joy there is to be found each day...



words that convict, that urge me to walk closer to My Lord.




The past few weeks, our son, Deacon, has been saying one particular thought a lot. Apparently, it is one I need to be reminded of frequently...daily.

Our oldest daughter, Shiloh, likes to point out to Deacon that he is the only boy in the house. She reminds him that the male to female ratio in our house does not swing in his favor. Even when Daddy is home, there are still two more girls than boys. 



It is quite the "give-up-just-stop-trying-to-fight-it-and-accept-that-you're-out-numbered-and-alone" sentiment. Not quite hopeful or encouraging at all.



Isn't this the very same message...the very same words that Satan throws at us all the time? The words the Liar wants us to believe with our whole being?



So our sweet son, just four years young has a reply to the negativity that just stops me. It is the perfect, beautiful reminder that I always need to hear.




"I am not alone! I am not the only one. God and Jesus are here too. They are always here, always with me. So there are two more boys here right now. It's not just me!"



He speaks these words with such passion, such confidence. I love him for that. 



Just when I am feeling so stinkin' alone. So out numbered.  My Father speaks to me through my child, and reminds me that He is always with me. In this very moment...as I feel lost, frustrated, discouraged, tired, joyful, peaceful, content. He is with me. He is with you. Don't listen to the lie that tries to isolate you...you are never alone.

"...absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."

 ~ Romans 8:39 (The Message) 

{He may very well live in the land of females...but I sure am thankful for our little man.}

Disclaimer

What I am pouring out here is only what I'm working on. 

These are the ways that God is working on my heart.

These are the stirrings in my soul that I refuse to ignore.

I could chose to show only my "best side" here. 
My "I've-got-it-all-together-check-it-out-I'm-blogging-doing-my-Bible-study-and-chugging-water" self.

I have not perfected anything.

 (Not marriage, not parenting, not friendship/home school/

home making...nothing.)

Probably because I am a far cry from perfect.

But, in reality...I'm eating mini Oreos on the side. 
(And there is a mess I've tucked out of sight behind the computer.)

I have a sink full of dirty dishes I'm ignoring while I write this.

I had several "pauses" during my intended quiet writing (kids supposed to be resting) time in the form of a sweet but loud baby, a big girl showing me how she beat a hard level on her game, and a brother being generally goofy.

I am just like you in more ways than not.

I am a bit of a beautiful mess.

I am a simple, sin-rescued-but-still-sin-enticed woman.

Satan wants to mess me up. He wants to see me fall flat and feel too shamed to lift my head and try again. (You too, actually.) I refuse to let him have a foothold in my life. But it takes vigilance...relying on My Father's strength time and again.

This place is where I am choosing to honor my Lord with giving words to what He is burdening my heart with.

God is constantly challenging my thoughts, urging me to walk closer to Him. 

He has placed a desire in me to use my life, my ups and downs to encourage others. Even if one person...one time...hears a bit of God's heart in this place...if one person senses that God just might be talking to them...then all praise to God! 

I pray that as I wrestle with what I am in the midst of, you might be encouraged in your walk too. Not because I have it all together and am encouraging you from a place of perfection...but just the opposite. I am working through my faith, experiencing very real growing pains along the way. Perhaps you feel the same. May you listen closely to the whispers of The Savior.

Stac-ca-to

I live in the land of interruptions.

Four children age 6 (and a very important "3/4") and under = chaos never a dull moment. Someone always needs me. Right when I'm helping somebody else/preparing a meal/changing a diaper/picking up toys/folding laundry/using the restroom. Every. Time.

My life is staccato.

Stac-ca-to: "composed of or characterized by abruptly disconnected elements; disjointed..."

When I am in the midst of one thing...something/someone else demands my attention. Get started on (fill in the blank) and then (fill in the blank) forces me to redirect. Causes me to stop what I was doing and give attention elsewhere.

I rarely handle this with ease. My exterior may be calm, but my insides are raging "Ugh! Really? Why now?!". I just want everything to go how-I-want-it-to-go-when-I-want-it-to-go. Surely that's not asking too much.

And it's not just kids that are the source of these interruptions, you know. It's life. Just day to day life that can make me have to switch gears at the drop of a hat. All those things I can find myself in the midst of...well, they have an uncanny way of changing up on me quickly sometimes. 

Perhaps it's my vision that is the real problem here. Perhaps the staccato is more beautiful than I realize.





Perhaps what I see as an interruption is really a pause. 

Pause: "a temporary stop or rest, especially in speech or action..."

I get so easily wound up in myself...my lists, my tasks, my children, my house...it's all about M-E. 

Perhaps these pauses are not the intruding interruptions as my self-absorbed vision sees them. Perhaps they are wonderful gifts. Perhaps they are meant to draw me back to The One Who Loves Me. 

When I am in the middle of the "piranha hours" (4-6pm), trying to make dinner and keep the kids from squabbling there are frequent interruptions pauses. Getting Phoebe a drink. Watching Shiloh dance in the living room. Helping Deacon with a toy. Nursing Mercie. With each new interruption pause, it seems that I might never get done what I need to do. 

Choosing to see these moments as a pause frees me up from the burden of irritation. Frees me from feeling anxious.

A pause is brief. A pause is necessary.

I need to be constantly drawn back close to My Lord. What a precious gift these moments of pausing from my busyness can be! To say a prayer, to hum a praise, to remember that He is in all things, to rest from my hurried pace for one sweet moment at a time.

Yesterday morning there were a lot of pauses. It was a truly staccato start to our day. I pulled out of the driveway 25 minutes later than we should have to take Shiloh to school. At the end of our street this greeted me...because God is a master teacher, and always finds a way to make His point perfectly clear.

These trucks were collecting piles of branches that our neighbors (lovely people, by the way) had cut down. The truck on the left was grabbing the branches with a large claw, swinging them through the air and dropping them in the back of the truck on the right. They were in no hurry at all...as they completely blocked the road and our only way to exit the cul-de-sac.

My kids were in awe at the big trucks. They ooohed and aaahed as the massive claw grabbed tree limbs. They loved every minute of it. All five minutes of it, to be precise. 

My first reaction to this scenario was frustration; we were already late for crying out loud. But my heart quickly softened as I heard my children's sheer enjoyment. 

This pause was exactly what I needed in the midst of my hurried morning.

My impatience melted as we paused (quite literally this time) in the middle of the street. My children and I watched the trucks and had a chat about teamwork...amazed at the way these large trucks and half dozen men were working together. The claw truck (I have no idea what it's really called, please forgive me) was strong and specially skilled to grab the piles of branches...but this truck had nowhere to put what it had picked up. It needed the help of the big dumpster truck to complete the task of cleaning up. The dumpster truck (I know, you're super impressed with my wording) had a huge bed with plenty of room to hold the branches...but it had no way to pick up the load. It needed the help of the other truck. {Cue the "Wonder Pets" theme song..."What's going to work? Teamwork!"}

When the trucks finished their work and slowly drove on down the road we were finally freed to continue on our way. We were delayed by this pause, but what a gift it was. We all sweetened up a bit in those moments. 

How many opportunities have I missed simply because I refused to be paused by my Father? How many joy-filled, wonder-full moments have I let slip away because I was too busy with my "stuff" to look up and see what God was showing me?

 I want my family, my friends, complete strangers to know that they are more important than my day's to-do list. I want my Lord to know that I have eyes wide open for His hand in my life. That I am ready and willing to pause and redirect for His glory.

Whatever form they come in, I want to accept with grace the staccato moments, the pauses that undoubtedly will come into my midst. May you too find peace in the midst of your interruptions today...and may you see them as beautiful pauses, gifts from a loving Father.

Gathering

My thoughts are really scattered sometimes.

My poor husband. Seriously. This guy never knows if I just want to chat about the day's weather, or if I'm going to unload massive deep thoughts on him out of the clear blue. Glad I'm not him. :)

I have so much on my heart these days. So many questions, inklings, frustrations, desires, longings, passions, concerns. I have several different soap boxes. I'm understanding more about myself, who I am...who I pray I get the time to become. I am comfortable in my own skin, growing confident in my role as a wife, Mama, and daughter of The King.

I am realistic. I am terribly flawed. I am passionately driven. I love my God with an unquenchable fire. I am grateful for the love and friendship of my husband. I am stretched physically, mentally and spiritually by my three daughters and one son. I care about how our days/time/money/energies are spent.

Sometimes it's laundry...other times it's matters of the heart...but I am always in the midst. Always in the middle of something. Surrounded by, swallowed up in something.

At times it's a simple task. Chores, cleaning, organizing...the daily to-do's this life brings. They are inevitable and unescapable. I am in the midst of them. I want to do them well, to handle them with grace and care.

At times it's a hurdle. Pain, hurt, disappointment, struggles...I cannot avoid this. I am daily forced to wade through the midst of these. I cling to my life preserver in the flood, my hope in Christ, so I might make it through alive.

There are times of joy, celebration, worship, accomplishment...when my heart feels light and the world feels like a gentle place. I soak up my time in the midst of these good, God-given gifts. A little bit of Heaven on earth.

There are times of calm, content, rest. In the midst of this I sigh, breathe deep and uncurl my tightened grip on my life.

Wherever I am...I am always in the midst...the middle, in between, surrounded. And wherever I am, He is always in the midst of it all too. When what I am surrounded by feels like it's pressing in on all sides I  find comfort in His presence. He is always in the midst. And I am thankful.

I hope my journey brings encouragement. You are not alone. We are more alike than different and there is nothing new under the sun.

May my words be seasoned with grace in the midst of it all.